Stalker Series Part VI - Creepy Stalking...BAGELS!

I need you to know that I really debated on stalking this kid versus just making the darn oatmeal cookies that just looked so freaking delicious that I almost started it at midnight.  I mean, really...how creepy is it to stalk a kid who is almost young enough to be your son...assuming you had a baby when you were a [very, VERY young] teenager. 

Probably no more creepy than me leaving a comment on his blog that said, "If I were still in High School, I'd follow you all around campus in hopes of getting some cookies." Not that I would do that [at least not that I admit]. That would be crazy.

So, here was my dilemma.  I really want to stalk the kid but my better sense and judgment said, "Don't do it, Jen.  They may throw your @$$ in the can and how awkward would that be to explain to your family, friends, boss, and pastor why you were in jail??"  But then I thought, what if he didn't KNOW i was stalking him and just made up MENTAL conversations with him? That wouldn't really cross any boundaries, right??  I battled the crazies in my head and realized that it was even creepier that way.

So screw it.  I'm just going to stalk him the old fashioned way.  [I can hear the conversations now..."folks, I thought you should know that there's this old bag who's old enough to be my mom...well, she's stalking me right now..."] Only, no thanks to a post, I saw on his blog, I'm now stalking him for his bagels.

I love me the bagel.  [Not the bagelheads in Japan because that's even creepier than  stalking a teenager].  I mean the good old fashioned New York Style Bagel.  I saw Kamran's bagel photos and nearly took a bite out of my monitor.  Join me in my adventures in trying to interpret this recipe since I only understood half of it.

Step 1: Pouring in the sugar and yeast in ½ cup of the warm water.  Warm water? Ummm...i can stick my finger in the water...is that warm?? Is it too warm if I can only do it for 5 seconds? I let it sit for five minutes...ok, 7 minutes because I forgot about it [as usual]. I stir the mixture until it dissolves.  Crap.  This is murky.  I can't see if it's all dissolved. screw it, what's the worst that can happen??

Step 2: Mix the flour and salt in a large bowl. Make a well in the middle and pour in the yeast and sugar mixture. I add the remaining water as instructed...plus another 1/2 cup as not instructed.  Oh man.  WHY didn't i do it a little at a time??  This is sticky, goopey mess.

Step 3: I'm supposed to flour the countertop.  At what point is it too much flour??  Oh wait...it probably doesn't matter since my dough is still a sticky mess.  I knead the dough for about 10 minutes until it is smooth and elastic - or rather until my arms are about to fall off.  I mean, HOW DO THESE PEOPLE KNEAD THE DOUGH FOR SO LONG??  "Try to work in as much flour as possible to form a firm and stiff dough" the instructions said. Secretly, I'm hoping for firm and stiff arms instead.

Step 4: I brush the bowl with oil and turn the dough to coat - did I just remove the lightly brushed oil on the bowl when i turned the dough to coat? Does it matter?  Cover the bowl with a damp towel and let rise. During that hour, I did nothing productive.  Kamran, I'm sure, made 4 types of cookies, 3 tarts, 2 cakes, and roasted a partridge in a pear tree during that time*. 



Step 5: I punch the dough down, and let it rest for another 10 minutes.  Geez.  I hope I punched it down enough.  I'm not one for oppression or keeping anything down.

Step 6: I eyeball and attempt to cut 8 equal pieces of my very fluffy, puffy dough.   Unfortunately, my depth perception hasn't been the same since my faulty lasik surgery so they come out in varying sizes. I saw the picture of Kamran's hand shaping the equal [precisely measured] ball.  Ummm...I had to use 2 hands to shape it.  I hope to God he just has inordinately large hands and it isn't because I really messed something up.  His photos on his blog show a perfect ball.  Mine looked like it was massacred by Edward Scissorhands. 

Step 7: I poke holes into the bagels.  Unevenly, of course. 

Step 8: I generously allow 15 minutes for my bagels to rest instead of the 10 minutes per the instructions...and not because I forgot about them [again]. Riiiight. 

Step 9: Time to boil the bagels. Hmmm...what exactly does he mean when he says that they'll float to the top after a few seconds? Mine never sank. Were they supposed to?? Crap. I've got a bad feeling about this.

Step 10: I'm still perplexed as to why my bagels are so freaking huge and puffy.  WTH?? I don't even bother with the sesame topping because my bagels look more like balloons than bagels.  It would roll right off.

Step 12: aaahhh...20 minutes to surf the net while the bagels bake.  AND I actually remembered to set my timer. [score 10 points!]

Step 13: Too bad it only needed 17 minutes to brown.  *SIGH* [minus 15 points.]

Step 14: I toast one and had it with the best elderberry jam EVER.

Ok, so it came out puffier than I would've liked.  It's my first try. I'm most definitely trying this again! Thanks for the encouragement, Kamran! [and for not calling the cops on me - special thanks for THAT!]

Please note: i've never baked with yeast before.  I was traumatized in high school chem by a disastrous lab assignment involving yeast and never really got over it.  Some people are afraid of public speaking - me, it's yeast.

* I'm still trying to get over the fact that this 17 year old has produced this amazing blog, does his homework, takes AP courses, and bakes like a maniac. When I was in high school, my favorite past times included trying to see how long I could go without opening a textbook, getting my homework done DURING class, and picking lint out of my belly button.  Those were good times.

Jenny Stalker Series V, Financier

In my 5th installment of the JENNY STALKER SERIES, I chose to stalk someone I had just "met".  This is not what I had initially planned to do.  I was planning to go through my list of bloggers systematically one by one.  Three little words changed all of that. Luckily, my next victim is a teacher. My 11 year old mentality should've could've been the perfect fit.  The only problem was the time difference.  She's about 9 hours ahead of my Pacific Time Zone.

After my last Stalker Series post with Zen Chef, I discovered that I was being followed by a fennel.  Right. Specifically, a fennel head with GLASSES was following me on twitter. Her name was @ColloquialCook. And she lives in Paris. Sense any jealousy on my part? You're right. Heck, she could live in a shoebox ANYWHERE in France and I'd still be pea green with envy.

I was really excited because I had stumbled upon a cookie post she had done a while ago and i had bookmarked it to make for Christmas.  Since I believe in fair warning [and let's face it...it's pretty damn creepy to stalk someone without letting them know you are], I sent her a message informing her that she's on my list to be stalked.  She replied with a VERY nice response but what caught my attention were the last 3 words which left me speechless!

The 3 little words were "Bring it on". Many thoughts came and went through my mind.   

1.  Does she KNOW who she's talking to?  There are a few screws loose in my head.

2.  Does she not realize that I am cooking/baking challenged????

3.  Does she not realize how NEEDY I am??  I'm the youngest child...I need attention...LOTS of it.

The answer to that was obviously, "no" because I'm sure that ZenChef was way too nice to tell her what a true pain in the butt I was during his stalking.

Well, that was HER problem.  She asked for it. The challenge was trying to pick the appropriate recipe for me to try. The answer came when I had asked twitterland for suggestions for nut flour options for my financiers. @ColloquialCook came to the rescue...for my stalker series AND my financier recipe.

Challenge 1:
Metrics: Her recipes had the weight measurements vs volume that we Americans love to use.  As much as it pains me to admit it, the darn frenchman was right again when he said that baking by weight was better and more precise than by volume so I've actually been converted for awhile.  The challenge came when I tried to figure out how to convert Celsius to Farehnheit:

240

x 1.8

192.0 [ …carry the 3…ummm…]

240.0

432.0 […carry the 1…]

+32.0

464.0 [voila!]

if you believed that, you are straight up crazy.  I looked it up on the online converter like any SANE person would do. 
 

Challenge 2:
Fiscal Responsibility: I'm a penny wise, pound stupid.  I like to save money where I can.  I decided to save money on the nut flours by getting whole nuts and grinding them down.  Only problem was my cheapass didn't buy the hazelnuts skinned/blanched.  So I had to skin those buggers one by one.  I've got serious OCD so little specks and bits of skin DRIVES ME NUCKIN' FUTS. It took me THREE FREAKING DAYS TO SKIN THOSE STUPID HAZELNUTS. In the meantime, she was on stand by and ready to answer any questions that I may have had.  Expecting her to be on constant stand by for three days while i scrubbed those nuts one by one was a bit too much to ask.  So I messaged her with random questions because I didn't want her to feel neglected.  And I didn't tell her what I was doing because I try really hard to hide the crazies in my head.


Challenge 3:
Vocabulary/Language:  I like to consider myself well read with a pretty decent vocabulary but how often do you use the word "didactic" in a sentence?  Right. NEVER. Never, unless you're @ColloquialCook trying to confound me in a direct message. [I admit it. I remember that word from English Lit but damned if I remembered what it meant. I had to look that one up]. The other phrase that threw me was "Icing Sugar".  huh?  DM'd her...forgot that she's sound asleep due to the 9 hour time difference.  Look it up on the internet.  Right, Powdered Sugar.  Duh.

Challenge 4:
Toasting: You know those UNSKINNED hazelnuts I bought? Yeah, well I had to toast them in the oven to skin them.  Her instructions clearly call for me to toast the 2 nut flours together.  But is it ok to re-toast the toasted hazelnuts??  Crap.  it's 4:00am in Paris.  She's lucky I don't have her cellphone number.  I toasted.  I figured if everything went south because I toasted twice, I was just going to fall back on my youngest bratty sister line: "BUT YOU SAAAAAAIIIIIID!!"

Challenge 5:
Browning Butter:  She asked me if I'd ever browned butter before. I've browned butter before.  Once.  Ok, TWICE because I burnt it the first time.  i burnt it the first time because I didn't get that it was the PROTEIN that was supposed to be browned and NOT the butterfat.  GRRR.  This time around, after I dropped the butter into the pan, I decided  i had a few minutes to check my email.  Replied to emails until I heard a smoke alarm go off.  Shockingly, it wasn't coming from my kitchen but my neighbors'.  Sadly, due to my lack of attention [common theme in my cooking/baking adventures] the forgotten butter was burnt and ruined.  Started over again and decided that, in fact, i didn't have time to check my emails.

Challenge 6:
Temperature Conversions: Ok, 464 degrees farhenheit?  that just SOUNDS crazy...do I bring it up to 475  or down to 450?  Then drop the temperature down to 392?? or 400?? Looked at the time...crap.  5:30am in Paris...no way she's awake yet.  I decided to go with 400 degrees all the way through.  [I chilled the mixture for an hour before baking and threw some chocolate in it because i love chocolate]

Amazingly, I did it!  The financiers turned out VERY delicious in spite  of my challenges.  I was bummed that I wasn't able to get the timing right to properly stalk ColloquialCook this time around but rest assured, this isn't the last time I'll be stalking her.  

Another good recipe from Team France [that's 3 points from Team France for those of you who are counting*]!! This recipe is easy and super tasty.  Go find it and try it.

Thanks, Claire ...stalk you later! :)



*Team France consists of: Tartelette, ZenChef, & Colloquial Cook

Jenny Stalker Series, Part IV

In Part IV of the Jenny Stalker Series, I chose my next victim with great care and contemplation.  There are so many great food bloggers to stalk out there and so little time to do the job justice. After many nano-seconds of deliberation, I decided to stalk the oh so handsome, Zen Chef.  I chose him because I complained about his recipes being 100 times above my skill levels and his only response was, "come on, it's just a tart...follow my recipe and you'll be fine."  Ha, i thought, I'll show that pompous Frenchman! [Totally kidding about him being pompous.  Dead serious about him being a Frenchman.]

If you've been living under a rock and haven't visited Zen Chef's site, go over and take a look.  He's got some ah-maaahhhzing photos there.  oh yeah - the recipes look good, too.  Maybe if I weren't so cooking challenged, I might be able to make some of them...like the souffle. But we're not here today to talk about his "easy" souffles [pffft].  We're here to focus on his tarts.  Wow. That really didn't come out right.  

Step 1:  READ THE ENTIRE RECIPE.  twice.

Step 2:  Send 3...no 4 emails to him asking him about recipe substitutions, additions, variations, the weather, his life...you know, general stalker stuff.

Step 3:  Get an email from his lawyers asking me to cease and desist.

Step 4:  Feel really bad about lying about step 3...oh, FINE...yes, about step 1, too.

Step 5:  Go to the store to buy my missing ingredients.

Step 6:  Return home.  Incredibly hot out.  Decide to relax and have a beverage to cool off.

Step 7:  Lay out all the ingredients, measure out, cut up, grease up, fire up.

Step 8:  Sit down on my couch from all the prep work I just did and have another beverage.

Step 9:  Send tweet to @ZenChef telling him how much I really dislike his stupid tart.

Step 10: Really get a cease and desist letter from his lawyer.

Step 11: Decide it's time to make the tart crust. 

Step 12: Really puzzled by the instructions to "process until combined." Huh...I wonder what that means...What if i over process it and it turns into a hockey puck?? what if i under process it and can't get it to stick together?? Wait. Chill it for an HOUR?! crap. I should've started this earlier.

Step 13: Time to start on the filling. I realize too late that I really should've read the darn recipe.  Back out to the store to get some things I forgot the first time.  Decide to go ahead and get the cognac instead of using the brandy I had at home.  Never tried Cognac before...

Step 14: OH MY GOSH...Cognac iS inCreDiBly sTroNg...mUst Lie bACk dOwN agAiN.


Step 15: Finish making the almond cream. Easy peasy.  Hey...this stuff is tasty.

Step 16:  Press the crust in my cute little tart tins. Hmmm...this is melting quickly. ummm...shoot.  Throw it in the freezer to get it to firm up quickly. I'm sure this is going to bite me in the @$$...that some baking God is going to smote me for freezing it.  Take it out of the freezer and fill the crust with the almond cream.


Step 17:  Pick through my figs, eating the bad ones...man, there's a lot of bad ones.  Uh oh. Not sure if I have enough left for the filling.  Cook figs per instructions taste testing every few minutes...

Step 18:  Start whisking the custard.  THREE minutes?  Glance over at the clock...it's only been a minute and my arm is already killing me.  Look down at the eggs and sugar.  Hmmm...looks whisked enough.  ONE minute it is.

Step 19:  Look in the oven to see the almond cream had puffed all right - puffed right out of the shell...not sure how I'm going to fit the figs and custard.  *SIGH*

Step 20:  throw on the figs, custards, and almonds...

Step 21:  Wait patiently for 50 minutes during which time I knit, clean, answer emails, write up my Tofu blog, read a few chapters of my book, figure out the answer to world peace and promptly forget that I'm still baking.


Step 22: RUN, I mean RUN, to my kitchen to take the "well done" tarts out of the oven.  Let cool off.

Step 23:  Take a bite.  HOLY CRAP, BATMAN.  Wow.  i mean, WOW.  This shizz is GOOD.

Step 24:  Send a Tweet to @Zenchef saying, "I formally apologize for ever doubting your genius. Tart crust came out fan-freaking-tastic. The whole recipe was awesome." 

 

For the full recipe, please visit Zen Chef's post.  It really is a great recipe! I just got a bit overzealous in filling the tart with the frangipane...and completely forgot about it in the oven.  Yes, I've heard of a timer.  I just forgot to set it.

I've been following/stalking/reading his blog for a couple of years now and this is the first time I've ever attempted any of his recipes.  I have to admit that this won't the last time I will ever stalk him again. [now would be a good time for him to change his email address.] 

* oh yeah...because I'm a big enough person to admit it, even in very fine print, I concede that the frenchman was correct and I was wrong.  If i could've written this in a smaller font, I would have. 

Jenny Stalker Series, Part III - TOFU

Soybeans soaking in water overnight - see how big they get compared to the dry soybeans

Part I in my series was stalking Tartelette's amazing Tarts she made...so I tried her recipe in combination with what I learned in my class.  Part II in my series was stalking La Fuji Mama and Rasa Malaysia with the homemade gyoza wrappers/shrimp filling combo.  Today, in Part III of my stalker series, I'm once again stalking La Fuji Mama [heretofore referred to as "LFM" because I'm lazy - sorry Rachel].

Last week LFM did a post on making your own Tofu.  Yes, you heard me right - she made her own tofu from SCRATCH.  I can't tell a lie, I really don't care for  tofu too much.  Even when I dress it up, I still think...meh...It's all right but I'd much rather have a hamburger.  With cheese. 

LFM makes EVERYTHING look so easy.  I can't figure out if it's because of the way she writes about how easy it is or if it's because of the the photos she posted with step by step instructions.  I highly encourage you to check out her post on it.  I'm not trying to re-invent the wheel here...just merely sharing with you my own efforts at making this morsel of deliciousness.  

LFM being the total sweetheart that she is, sent me a Direct Message on twitter telling me to call her if I ran into any trouble.  She even added, "Seriously, call me" [i assume] because she knows how Japanese people have this tendency to Enryo [restraining speech or actions towards people]. Naturally, during my process I ran into problems where it was supposed to be foaming A LOT and mine never foamed...even a little. Do you think I called her?  Right.  NO.  She was nice enough to follow up with my to see how it was going and I hung my head in shame that mine didn't come out like it was supposed to.

Here's my tofu efforts.  I made both the Kinu "Silk" tofu as well as the firm tofu. I'm only showing the firm tofu since my kinu tofu turned out to be...well...curdled soy milk. Will try again and post later.

Despite her instructions to blend in batches, do you think I did THAT? right again!  Leakage off the sides everywhere. 

So while I never got foam during the cooking process, I got TONS of foam just waiting for my 5 cups of water to boil. 

This is the leftover Okara from straining out the soy milk [which is what you use to make the tofu].  My mom wants me to make okara meshi with it.  I really don't care for it so I'm hoping I'll have enough to make cookies.

The soy milk that was used to make the kinu tofu...

This is the coagulated soy milk, being strained of any excess liquids.  I don't have a tofu form [although now that I know i like the way it tastes, I'm thinking about buying one!] so I just used the collander. 

Just need a little weight to help strain out the last of the liquids from the tofu.

Darn...at this step of running water over the tofu [that white blob in the bowl], I realized that I forgot to use Spring Water as advised for a better tasting product.  I'll have to try that next time for sure!

It didn't look pretty, but I promise you, it tasted GREAT!  Tofu that I buy in stores, even the fresh ones, always tastes like nothing.  This tofu had a wonderful nutty taste and was so soft and delicate.  It soaked up my shoyu quite well and made for a very yummy dinner tonight!

Thanks, La Fuji Mama.  I look forward to more recipe stalking!

Gyoza Wrappers

I'm still hi-jacking this travel site and in the full spirit of the hi-jacking, I've decided to post up my gyoza adventure.

La Fuji Mama has the most wonderful post on how to make gyoza wrappers from scratch. I looked at it, marvelled at how beautifully perfect her wrappers had turned out, and dismissed it as too much trouble. Then I mosied over to Rasa Malaysia and saw her post on Shrimp & Chive dumplings. Hmmm...i'm craving dumplings. It's been over a month since I last went to dim sum and I've got me a hankering for it.

Of course this revelation came to me while I was not at home and quite unable to do anything about it. So I started formulating my plan...I've got flour, salt & water at home...I can MAKE my wonton wrappers. Heck, I've even got shrimp at home...hmmmm...

Quite frankly, the gyozas took a wee bit longer than i expected it to...like 2 hours for me to mix, rest, knead, and roll out (mostly because I'm lame). But look how beautifully "rustic" [another term for "it looks like a 3rd grader made it"...learned THAT one from Clemence, as well] my gyozas came out. Some of them actually did look round since I figured out how to roll it out so that it maintained its thickness in the middle, thinner around the edges, and all together ROUND.

I swear...these bloggers must all think I'm a total stalker (ok, so I am). I ask question after question and they so kindly and generously answer all of them!! Up until now, I didn't even realize that I enjoyed cooking. I was far too busy trying to kill off my friends and co-workers with "blackened" chicken to realize that, once I got some basic concepts down, it was actually a lot of fun.

Uhhhh. Ooops. Sorry guys...I had the finished results but they came out kind blurry...I started in on the wine a little early tonight.

oh hi...i forgot to mention...you can make DESSERTS with these wrappers. I used some leftover goat cheese mousse (with meyer lemon) and chocolate ganache and filled the wrappers, deep frying them. Hellllooooo, gorgeous!

Tarts

Key Lime Tart with Mascarpone Mousse

I have hi-jacked my own website. This is supposed to be my travel blog and all I want to blog about is baking. I'm sure it has something to do with the fact that I haven't traveled anywhere but seriously...I'm sure I can pull a story out from one of my previous trips. Oh well. tough cookies...or tarts in this case.

Goat Cheese Mousse tart with mulberry and currants

I took another class from Gourmandise Desserts. A pies & tarts class. I love Clemence. She is just the greatest and most generous teacher I've ever had the pleasure of taking a class from. She learned all her mad skills from her family's auberge just outside of Apt, Provence. I highly recommend looking into taking one of her classes if you're interested in baking! In order to make sure that I could actually apply what I learned in class, I decided to bake up 3 different tarts for a friend's kids' birthday.

lilikoi Mousse tart with figs and mulberry

It's amazing how much you can fudge a basic recipe to suit your needs just by changing an ingredient here and there. Changed a cheese here, fruit filling there...and voila! Key Lime, Goat Cheese, and Lilikoi tarts!

My fancy pie weights that I used.

Best Pate Sablee EVER!!!

I could go on and on raving about how this is the best tasting crust I've ever had and writing out the recipe but why bother when I didn't change or add a thing on Tartelette's recipe? and let's face it, hers LOOKS better, too!!

The one change I did make is with the mousse - Lilikoi Mousse & Key Lime Mousse.

Lilikoi/Key Lime Mousse:

400 ml Heavy Cream

8 oz mascarpone

1/4 cup Lilikoi [passion fruit] pulp or the juice from key limes [yes, i squeezed each one of those little buggers!!]

1/8 cup sugar [or to taste]

combine the mascarpone with the sugar until dissolved. add the fruit juice/pulp and combine.

whip the heavy cream. add whipped cream into the mascarpone mixture gently folding it in.

fill the tarts with the mousse, add the fruits on top - please don't be cheap like me - add LOTS of fruits on the tart!!

**i got a text message from my BFF, Sao, at midnight saying she loved the tarts!! my biggest (and only) fan!**